What Happens After 24
Is it that frum guys stop wanting to get married after they turn 24, or have they heard enough horrer married friend's stories to stay away from the chuppah? Are the guys who are left single after 24 guys who were never interested in dating before, or are they the ones who didn't succeed in finding someone? Why are there 30+ y/o's who don't ask anyone out. No, no I don't believe they are all gay - I think that's just an easy excuse...
posted by 2R at 10:13 PM
6 Comments:
Well they could be gay...I mean, I hope not, coz as it is the pickin's are slim but we never do know.
I also think there is a gross disproportionate understanding with in a persons mind that is a modern values problem. What I'm talking about is the concept that pp have an idea in their head of what they think they WANT vs what they need or are compatible with.
Basically pining away for an ideal they personally don't conform to and therefore should not expect.
On the flip side one who is still single after 24 also has a lot of experience and is prob. more so weary of rejection. Hence the no asking out pp so freaquently, bec guys do claim they ask girls out.
Not that any of this is really a comfort to us...but well it's an explanation. One of many, I'm sure.
Hey, maybe I'm just not jaded enough yet, but I'm 24, and I ask girls out. I mean, this is a sample size of one, but still.
On the other hand, you have to realize how much it takes for a guy to put himself out there. And rejection, or things just not working out - well, it wears on a person.
Don't get jaded, don't get realistic, stay idealistic and keep asking girls out. The worst is not that they'll say no, the real worst is when you don't even have a shot, bec you haven't asked. I'm not be sarcastic here, I'm dead serious.
Along with that, please understand the frustration from a girls point of view. We don't even have the option of initiating for fear of running the poor guy off.
Ilan, there are of course exceptions, however are you dating someone now? (I'm going to assume no, althought that allows for me to make an ass of me and u) why no? Is there truly no one you've met that you are interested in?
Miri, thanks for the advice - wasn't planning on getting jaded anyway. I don't think many do plan it. In any case, I hear your frustration from the female side, but I'm not so sure how much that's a real danger, and how much it's a perceived danger. If a girl I found interesting asked me out, frankly, I'd be flattered. If other guys are anything like me (and no, I don't know if they are, since we don't tend to discuss this stuff as much as females do) then they'll just be grateful to have some assurance that the girl is interested in him and not just 'giving it a shot.'
2R, getting a little personal here, aren't we? Well, I guess this started out a little personal...And it's the internet, where privacy is, well, a little iffy.
No, I'm not dating anyone right now, though there are a few set-ups here and there, as usual.
And no, there isn't anyone who I know right now who I'd like to date (i.e. someone in the same country, who I get along with, who I am on roughly the same religious wavelength with, who I find attractive - reasonable criteria, I think). And I'd like to think I'd ask such a woman out. I mean, I have before.
Ilan - I don't know you, and I obviously can't speak for you, but from what i've seen, my guy friends, my brothers, guys i've gone out with... single guys who live on their own, are finished with college, and have jobs are just not interested in marriage...just yet. I think between 25-33 is a big slowing point for guys... of course there are exceptions, but since i've moved to israel (almost 4 years) all the weddings i've been to are either college students or above 30. The two above 30 marriages, neither of them spoke a common fluent language - so that's really really strange to me...
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